sunglasses

Damn, I'm not sure why nobody has ever addressed this before, but I think it's a relatively serious problem. What is the deal with girls and their big ass sunglasses? And don't tell me its for the protection from the sun because we all know that it isn't. Sunglasses on girls have gotten so big that it has become hard to recognize people. I'm pretty sure there has been at least eight times in the last couple weeks where I have said hey to a girl, who was wearing sunglasses, thinking that she was someone else. This is probably due to the fact that you all LOOK THE FUCKING SAME! It's like you're all wearing a mask that covers half your face. But seriously, saying hello to strangers that I don't know is not the real problem with these sunglasses...

The real problem with the large sunglasses is that it makes it incredibly hard to discriminate ugly girls from good looking ones. There have been many times where I was under the impression that a girl was super cute only later to be let down after she revealed her whole face. Now, this is not exactly a new problem. I can still remember the first time I discovered this problem like it was yesterday. It was fall quarter of my second year and I had just moved into VDC. I was riding the bus back from school when this slender, pale girl sits down next to me. Excited, I start talking to her about the usual second year talk. You know, "What's your major?" "How do you like VDC?" "What apartment do you live in?" "Taking the bus is blah blah blah" and etc. Anyways, her sunglasses were so big that I became a bit skeptical. So about half way through the ride, I asked her if she could take her sunglasses off. She asked me why and I said "Because I want to look at your face." (I may have been a bit blunt back then). She started acting all shy and declined. Then we started talking again and about five minutes later I asked her for a second time. I am not sure exactly how many times I ended up asking her, probably around three or so, but I am really glad I had. When she finally took them off, I definitely saw something I wasn't expecting. Now, she wasn't exactly ugly or anything, but I was just under the impression that she was going to be super hot. Anyways, she tricked me.

How the rest of this story goes is unimportant, but what IS important is I was fooled and I'm sure millions of guys are getting fooled every day. Ugly girls and hot girls are starting to look exactly the same, because honestly, it has got to be pretty hard to look ugly when people can only see your nose and chin. Oh, and I guess your mouth too. But that is beside the point. Anyways, friends, do not worry, I have come up with a solution to solve this problem. It requires a lot of teamwork in order to work so I'm pretty sure it wont succeed, but it doesn't hurt to try. All you have to do is start assuming all girls who wear sunglasses that cover the majority of their faces are, in fact, ugly. This way eventually the good lookers will begin to notice that they are not getting any attention when wearing their sunglasses, and will stop wearing them. The uggos will also begin to realize this and may or may not stop wearing their sunglasses. But the great part is that it doesn't really matter because either way, we will be judging them correctly.