Can't sleep

Have you ever had a dream of something ridiculous and then after you wake up you're scared of it coming true? A couple of days ago I had a dream where the top part of skin of my scalp fell off and now I keep thinking it's going to happen. I have no idea why. I remember in my dream I was like scratching my head and then all of a sudden I just ripped off the skin on my scalp. I'm not exactly sure how it worked with all my hair and everything but now whenever I scratch my head I have a weird urge to take my skin off. Pretty weird. I wonder how it would look if I did that.

Anyways... It's been about a month or so since my elbow injury has gotten better and I've started lifting again. I'm slowly feeling the strength in my muscles coming back and I can see my body is getting back to its original state. It feels good to have muscles again and to not be such a fat ass anymore but I still feel like there is something missing. I don't have the intensity I used to have when I lift. I remember back in the day, I used to go to the gym like I was about to beat the shit out of someone. On the walk from the parking lot to the gym I would just start getting more and more pissed, and by the time I started lifting I would be at maximum intensity. I wouldn't even stop to say what's up to people I knew. I had an agenda and nothing was going to get in my way. Now I go to the gym and I generally just lie down on the mat for the first ten minutes while I do minimal stretching. Then I have to try to pump myself up to get to the actual lifting. I don't know why it is so different now. Although I do admit, I probably did take it a bit overboard back in the day and I probably always looked like I was mad dogging everyone, but I really miss the intensity I had. Now, I'm more just like eh, and I think about what lifts I can skip.

I don't know if its because I have more things to worry about now or what but I don't like where this is going. Lifting is something I have always done for myself. It was probably my second year in college when I stopped working out and started lifting. To me, the difference is this... you work out to get a little healthier, get in better shape, get a little more muscle on your arms, impress girls, etc.; you lift to get stronger mentally and physically, to continuously push yourself, break new goals and improve yourself. There's a difference. I guess I only had two real hobbies in college. Starcraft and lifting. I've already stopped playing Starcraft entirely... I'm not about to lose lifting too. I am not exactly sure where I'm going with this but just writing about it is kind of pumping me up... Hope writing about it helps me get it back.

In other news, I'm taking care of Eunice's dog this weekend. He keeps coming onto my bed and farting on me. For such a little guy, his farts smell horrific. I think it might be because I keep feeding him "rou song", that Chinese dried up shredded pork stuff, but goddamn he smells like shit. The only reason I'm feeding that to him is because I don't have any other treats to give him and he always just sits there and stares at me and makes me feel guilty. I wonder if dogs get bored. All he does all day is just sit in my room. Also for a little guy he runs pretty fast. I tried racing him and I was running my hardest and he was like right next to me the whole time. Given my legs are like 32 times longer than his, that's pretty good.